-101016
Posted on: Saturday, October 16 @ 8:42 PM
Yosu!!~
Hey Guys.
Hey. Hey.
Hey.
There's a lot of things i dont quite understand. In life. Of life. About life. About love.
What is love?
I dont entirely understand it.
A week ago, my girlfriend broke up with me. It hurt. But I thought through it and believed that this is what was meant to happen. Yes. I love you. You love me. I know that when you broke up with me, it was because you were angry. Your mind full of rage. The rush that provokes you to self mutilate. But if this rush returns, does thee love not disappear and rage and anger fill thy void?
Yes, I still love you. And why do I push you away when you come to hug me?
I want you to get over me. So I can get over you.
I dont want you to hug me, because it makes me want to hug you too.
It makes me want to show my feelings. It makes me want to smell you. Kiss you. Be with you.
I push you away. Because I'm trying to push my feelings away as well. It hurts a lot. Both ways.
You know what you dont understand? That if i could relive my life, I would have still gone out with you.
You said to me, "Thank-you for putting up with me for 11 months."
Put up with you? What you think you weren't meant to be or something? How do you think this makes me feel? What am I meant to say?
Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. T^T I try so hard to not show too much at school. Yes, I know that I walk around alone, that's because I dont want to get anywhere. No. <,,<
That's what I've been doing my whole life. Personality. Thinking. The way I look. The way I dress. Tennis. Even dancing. It's not boogaloo. But it's not pop. Zomg. People say it's my style. o.O
I'm not sure who I am.
I destroyed my reputation. For you.
So you would have people around you. So you would have people support you.
So now I have people look down on me. You probably never noticed.
I was okay with everything. I felt bad, I felt terrible. For everthing.
For hurting you and everything.
Everytime you cry, it hurts.
I was copeing. Being at school hurt. I hate school.
Until friday. Everything kept slapping me in the face.
I feel that a lof of things relate to you, even now.
But i kept pushing them away, even now i still am.
But on friday, everything related to you. I couldnt walk one step without thinking aobut you.
It was like everything I had been trying hard to keep down, came up.
I hate crying at school. I hate it.
I hate my drawings.
Chino. I want to talk to you. I have no credit. oh. Everyone. I'm out of credit. Again. Always out of credit.
GODDAMNIT. HE LIKES YOU. JUST TAKE IT. GAH.
<,< Stop denying it. I hate love. Love is stupid. GAH. I HATE IT. I love you so much.
So, New Hobbies. xDD
Drawing.
Even though I hate my drawings, I still draw. Why?
Poetry.
Writing poems, verses about you. And other things.
They're more like things i've done before. but Coming back to them.
Everything is now a poo. Gah.
I want a lot of things. But they just dont matter.
I like my headphones.
Only 5 weeks left. Once the term ends, Project CM will commence.
xDD Consists of not talking to anyone for at least 1 week. xDD
This is great.
I dont want to love anymore. Not even like. I dont want it.
"Cutting my wrists with the backhand of a knife." What does that mean? o.O
anyways.
||-
Softly we tremble tonight,
picture perfect fading smiles are all that's left in sight,
I said I'd never leave, you'll never change
I'm not satisfied with where I'm at in life.
Am I supposed to be happy?
With all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.
Am I supposed to be happy?
With all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.
You said, you said that you would die for me.
We made plans to grow old,
believe me there was truth in all those stories that I told.
Lost in a simple game cat and mouse,
Are we the same people as before this came to light?
Am I supposed to be happy?
with all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.
Am I supposed to be happy?
with all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.
You said, you said that you would die for me.
You must live for me too'.
For me too.yeah
You said that you would die for me.
Am I supposed to be happy?
with all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.
Am I supposed to be happy?
with all I ever wanted, it comes with a price
You said, you said that you would die for me.
-||
Cat and Mouse.
Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.
I shall go.
Byebye.
Poo.